HOME | ANOREXIA | BULIMIA | BINGE EATING | BODY-IMAGE ISSUES | PREVENTION | ARTICLES | ABOUT ME | CONTACT

 

"I'm Like, So Fat!"

What parent isn't delighted to hear her daughter say, "I'm going to stop eating all junk food?" As a parent you see no problem when she announces she is going to run everyday. Everything still seems fine when you notice she's lost some weight. Dieting is almost always a precursor to an eating disorder. I am constantly asked, "How can you tell the difference between normal, adolescent weight concerns from behaviors that are headed down a path to an eating disorder?" It can be a challenge for parents to tell the difference. Kids and teens, especially girls, are self-conscious of their bodies and compare themselves to others. They often talk about dieting. Parents of teens with eating disorders often feel blindsided when they realize their daughter has lost a great deal of weight in a short time and already has some serious health problems.

Here are some warning signs:

• Exercising in bad weather or when physically ill
   
• Looking for an opportunity to be more active, particularly after eating larger than usual amounts of food
   
• Repeatedly weighing, counting calories and portioning food
   
• Eating only certain foods and avoiding such foods as meat, dairy, and carbohydrates
   
• Enjoying cooking for others, but refusing to eat the food she has prepared
   
• Feeling depressed
   
• Becoming isolated and avoiding being with friends

Even though boys also have eating disorders, for simplicity I'll be referring to only girls. Keep in mind eating disorders are affecting girls as young as 10 and 11 years old.

My advice is the same as for other parental concerns. Communicate, communicate, and communicate. At the first mention of a new "health" behavior change, talk to her about why she wants to stop eating junk food and what led up to that decision. Are her behaviors becoming more obsessive? Trust your instincts. If something feels "off," you need to talk about your concerns.

She may seem depressed and lethargic. Teens do fluctuate through emotions, and at times it may seem like their feelings change hourly. Parents with teens struggling with eating disorders often say, "She just seems different. She's not the same kid." Even though she's exercising regularly doesn't mean she's feeling healthy. The food rituals start to take up more and more time keeping her from social activities, especially meals and celebrations involving food. She starts to avoid being with her friends and spends more and more time alone. Perhaps a friend or teacher has voiced a concern. She becomes preoccupied with her weight, feeling fat even after losing weight. Any of these behaviors could be a "red flag."

Pay attention if she continuously goes to the bathroom immediately after meals. Does she regularly complain about constipation and feel the need for laxatives? Have you noticed laxative wrappers in the bathroom wastebasket? She may be vomiting and abusing laxatives. Repeated vomiting causes tooth enamel erosion, which your dentist may notice and bring to your attention.

If you suspect your child has an eating disorder, it's imperative to see a professional to help your child get diagnosed and treated. Kids with eating disorders often become very angry and defensive. Many have difficulty admitting they have a problem. Trying to help someone who doesn't think they have a problem can be very difficult and challenging. Pick a time to talk when you are both relaxed and have time to talk. Approach her in a loving, nonjudgmental way. She'll be more receptive if you focus on your concerns using "I" messages instead of "You" messages. For example, try "I'm concerned you've lost so much weigh in a short time." Avoid statements like, "You're obsessed with your weight." or "You're exercising too much." These statements will just antagonize her, make her angry, and increase her need for denial. Explain to her you'd like her to see a doctor to put your mind at rest. The sooner she gets help, ideally before she's malnourished or in a continued binge/purge cycle, the quicker she can recover.

What to do when you hear "I'm like so fat?" Don't panic but do pay attention. Open the communication to talk about her feelings about her weight and body image. If she is not headed to an eating disorder, you will probably see her eating pizza with her friends and seem to have forgotten to run that day. I'm not encouraging an unhealthy lifestyle, but the concern is the obsessive nature of the behavior. These obsessive behaviors can cause problems. If she seems to becoming more obsessive about her weight, food, and exercise, explain to her you'd like her to talk with a professional. Tell her you're concerned and want her to have help. Teens don't want lectures, but they do want parents to show they care.

Additional Resources:

• National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Eating Disorders — www.anad.org
   
• National Eating Disorders Association — www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
   
• Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center — www.edreferral.com
   
• Something Fishy: Website on Eating Disorders — www.somethingfishy.org

If you have any questions regarding these articles or are interested in scheduling a free phone consultation, I encourage you to contact me by phone at 650-854-4631. I look forward to speaking with you.

 

HOME | ANOREXIA | BULIMIA | BINGE EATING | BODY-IMAGE ISSUES | PREVENTION | ARTICLES | ABOUT ME | CONTACT

 

Copyright 2010 - , Barbara Tener, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved.

Website designed by Kethyr Solutions